I'm going to keep this as short as possible. I want to be clear that I'm not doing this for attention, I just feel bad that I've basically stopped replying and everything.
My mom has been dating an abusive fuck for a little over 4 months now. She's broken it off twice, and seemed so much stronger for it. But then she ends up going back to him. At one point she moved in with him without telling me.
My mom and I had the closest relationship a parent and their child could ever have. We were so honest with each other and cared deeply for each other. We never hurt or lied to each other. Ever.
But I've lost her for good now. I told her the truth, that she'd bury me before she married him. He's hurt her so much and so badly, but she still chooses to go with him.
I've gone back to self harm really badly. I tried to kill myself at college a few weeks ago over this. I've told her how she would lose me forever if she did this, and she still did it. She doesn't love me anymore, so I've basically lost my mom, my most core relationship, forever. I've lost everything.
With everything that's happened in the last few years of my life, nothing has destroyed me so utterly as this has.
I've been throwing up blood for hours, I can't feel my right arm, I don't have room on my left.
I wish my mother never have birth to me.
I don't know if I'll be on this site actively again. I'll update this tomorrow when I ask her what happened. If she ends up back together with him, then I will take myself out of the equation. I beg forgiveness from my friends, I really don't want to hurt any of you, but it's tearing me apart watching my best friend and only parent let themselves die one piece at time.
I love you guys so much, and I want you to know that you've been such amazing friends and family, so many of you have been the only light I've had through dark times. I wish you all happiness, I believe in every one of you, and no matter what happens to me, I'll always love you